So many people, when considering hospice, think of benefits for the patient (of which there are many). At the top of the list for our patients is comfort care.

However, when I do information visits to explain hospice services to families, I always discuss the tremendous amount of help and assistance hospice offers to the families of our patients, too.

A life-limiting illness can impact loved ones, family, and friends as well as the patient. Here is a list of advantages of hospice care for the family:

• Emotional and spiritual support
• Education and teaching regarding how to physically care for an severely ill loved one at home
• Assistance and support with financial issues and concerns
• Medicine management and teaching in order to achieve optimal comfort care, and assistance with prescription refills
• Grief support and education, including anticipatory grieving (occurs before the loss of a loved one) and bereavement after a loss
• Support and education with regard to the letting-go process
• Respite care to allow care givers a time-out and rest
• Support and assistance with crisis management through 24/7 access to nursing and physician consultation and support
• Support and advocacy for health care decision-making

These are just a few of the advantages for the family and care givers of our hospice patients. If you would like to know more about how Alive Hospice may help you in your care of a loved one, call me at 615-332-4003 or e-mail me.

Janny Adkins is an Alive Hospice account executive who informs health care professionals, patients, and families about hospice care.

Sometimes, in the quiet, safe cocoon of a grief counselor’s office, grieving individuals “confess” that their grief is beginning to ebb and flow – perhaps even subside. And that often makes them feel a little uncomfortable.

The deep love we have for those who have died brings with it pain and discomfort, but it also may bring relief in some circumstances. When our loved ones are obviously losing quality of life moment by moment, it’s hard to continue to see them suffer.

For many, after a loss, it may seem almost impossible to imagine NOT grieving. So, when moments of not being focused on loss sneak up on us, we’re caught off guard, feeling almost guilty we had a moment of freedom from distress.

So many of us are overly concerned about what others think. We may be timid about sharing our waning sorrow with others, worrying that we might be seen as callous, heartless, etc., that somehow we simply must not have loved “enough.” (If you are able to have someone in your life like a grief counselor or a support group of fellow grievers, that could be the perfect place to share such experiences.)

The spirit is resilient. We as individuals can be amazingly resilient. Part of that resiliency is to allow ourselves moments of freedom from grief. At a pace only your own, you will find your own moments will lengthen and a sense of calm may well return — eventually.

Your loved one would surely understand. And at some point, a gift of rest from distress will be well-received – and deservedly so.

Ruth Williams is a counselor with Alive Grief Support Services, the bereavement support program of Alive Hospice. To reach Alive Grief Support Services, call 615-963-4732 or click here.

Grammy-nominated songwriter Carole King and beloved tunesmiths Gary Burr, Georgia Middleman and Jim Photoglo kicked off the 19th annual Alive At The Bluebird concert series this week! The audience was treated to hit songs including ”On the Roof,” “Pleasant Valley Sunday,” “Dearly Beloved” and “Hillbilly Hollywood,” among many others.

Alive At The Bluebird runs through the end of the month, and more than 80 songwriters are taking part. Proceeds from each show will benefit Alive Hospice, helping us provide care to uninsured and underinsured Middle Tennesseans.

Who else is coming up at The Bluebird? Find out here! Look for shows marked “A Benefit For Alive Hospice.”

And unfortunately it wasn’t. When my husband, songwriter Todd Cerney, was given the shattering diagnosis of Stage IV melanoma in November of 2010, we knew from the beginning that his last days would be with you. When that time came – far sooner than any of his doctors predicted – we brought Todd to The Residence with a sense of peace, knowing he would receive the finest care and love possible.

There are no words for me to express my admiration, awe and affection for the staff of Alive Hospice. I stand in awe at the work you do and the lives you touch. You cannot know (yet hopefully you do) how each tiny act you perform, each smile you bestow, each kind word you offer touches your patients and their families. There were many visitors who came to see Todd and me and his parents, Chuck and Phyllis Cerney, while he was with you, and I know how deeply affected they all were by what they saw at The Residence.

Todd could not have had better care anywhere else in the world. I was comforted then and will always be that he spent his last days in the best and most capable, loving hands possible. Who can ask for more than that?

Thank you forever for what you do.

Very best regards,

Kip Kirby

Kip Kirby stopped by this month to present a donation to Alive Hospice in memory of her husband, Mr. Todd Cerney. Pictured, left to right: Todd Cerney’s mother, Mrs. Phyllis Cerney; Alive Hospice Vice President of Community Development Pam Brown; Kip Kirby;  and Mr. Cerney’s father, Dr. Chuck Cerney. Kip is pictured holding the above letter, which we’re sharing with her permission.

How long have you made porcelain ornaments? 

I have been making the ornaments for about 9 years. I started out using my white stoneware clay that I use for bigger wheel-thrown pieces and quickly realized it was too rough and not white enough for my brand of perfectionism so I moved on to porcelain.  I used a pretty good porcelain until last year when I found the amazing pure white porcelain I am using now. The main ingredient is mined in England and I just love how much whiter and brighter it turns out.

How long does it take to complete each ornament?

The Alive Hospice ornaments take right at 3 hours to carve and sand and then another 6 hours to fire in the kiln.

What’s involved in creating the ornaments?

I start with a drawing of the design, then make a template out of plastic sheeting by cutting out the design (the plastic holds up better than a paper template if I have to make multiple ornaments). I have a contraption called a slab roller where I roll out a huge slab of wet porcelain the correct thickness for the ornament. After it dries a bit I cut out the outside circle for the ornament.

Then I use the needle tool (the equivalent of a sewing needle with a small wooden dowel used as the handle) to carefully care out the intricate designs. After carving, the edges are still rough so I use the needle tool to bevel all the edges of every cut. And then, to make them even smoother, I use a small paint brush dipped in water and smooth out the edges completely. 

After about a day the ornament is dry and I can use a very fine sanding sponge to sand the whole piece and all the edges even more. The sanding takes about an hour for each ornament because I am such a perfectionist and want the piece to be as smooth as possible. This is done outside with the use of a very good respirator. Once I get enough ornaments made (about 40) to fill my kiln, I fire it for about 6 hours until it reaches around 2,100 or so degrees.

What is your hope for every piece you create?

My only goal when I create a piece is to make it the best I possibly can, as perfect as possible in hopes that it brings joy to those that own them. I love to watch the clay go from one thing to another, to see it change and grow.

What do you think about as you make these keepsakes? 

I spend a lot of time thinking about the people who will receive the pieces, whether they are people that have been touched by the use of the hospice services themselves and have grieved and feel the need to give back to the organization that helped them. Or just people who are kind-hearted and generous and want to help others in a time when they need it the most.

My hope would be that people who order the ornaments would feel joy and comfort. I believe in good things coming back two-fold to those that give to others so I believe those who give to Alive Hospice will in some aspect of their lives receive something they need at just the right time in their lives.

I pray for all those touched by hospice as I’m working and hope that somehow in the spiritual realm of life some of that gets caught up in the work and finds its way to the donors. I hope somehow the donors are touched, inspired, and receive goodness back for their good deeds.

I honestly and truly try to send the love that I use in creating the work along with each piece.

To order a 2011 Alive Hospice holiday ornament, click here.

The Gallatin News Examiner and Hendersonville Star News recently published a guest column by Alive Hospice Grief Counselor (and blogger!) Ruth Williams. The column gives tips for coping with holiday grief.

An excerpt:

Having a person missing from the traditional family scene may draw your attention to what isn’t instead of what is. Instead of pretending the loss isn’t real, sometimes it may help to share stories about the person now absent from the family photo. Everyone has a unique perspective on the legacy of the person who has died. And, yes, tears (and occasional laughter) can be very healing!

How do we cope in the middle of a season filled with seemingly endless events and celebrations – public, private and faith-based?

See the answer to Ruth’s question here.

AliveHospice Live-tweeting from @AliveHospice’s #Nashville holiday grief seminar begins at 6:30 pm (Central). Hashtag to follow: #holidaygrief
4:06 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice In 30 minutes: We’ll begin live-tweeting from @AliveHospice’s Grief During the Holidays seminar. #holidaygrief
5:57 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice People are beginning to arrive for our Grief During the Holidays seminar… #holidaygrief
6:10 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice We’ll begin live-tweeting at the Grief During the Holidays seminar in just a few moments. #holidaygrief
6:28 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice We have 2 holiday grief seminars running simultaneously tonight in #Nashville & #Murfreesboro. #holidaygrief
6:31 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice These seminars are presented by Alive Grief Support Services, the bereavment support program of @AliveHospice. #holidaygrief 
6:32 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice In addition to tonight’s seminars, we provide individual grief counseling, support groups, camps & more. #holidaygrief
6:35 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice Good evening! Thanks for joining us as we live-tweet from @AliveHospice’s Grief During the Holidays seminar. #holidaygrief
6:38 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice Leading tonight’s seminars are Grief Counselors John Baker (#Nashville) & Pam Quaintance (#Murfreesboro). #holidaygrief
6:40 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice “The holidays” = a multi-week season, a time of family and tradition. #holidaygrief
6:42 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice How does one face or prepare for this holiday season without a loved one you’ve lost? #holidaygrief
6:43 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice There are things you can do to prepare for the holidays after losing a loved one. But first, an overview of grief. #holidaygrief
6:45 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice As a society we are reluctant to talk and think about death, dying and grief. #holidaygrief
6:46 PM Dec 1, 2011   

AliveHospice It’s important to remember that how we grieve is as individual as fingerprints. #holidaygrief
6:47 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice The more you know about how you grieve, the better off you’ll be. #holidaygrief
6:48 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice The actual holiday is only 24 hours, but there’s a whole season leading up to them: music, etc. It’s hard to escape. #holidaygrief 
6:51 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice Where does the notion come from that grief is purely an ascending pattern over time? There are ups and downs. #holidaygrief
6:52 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice Grief can affect people physically, emotionally, spiritually. #holidaygrief
6:53 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice Grief can be circular with ups & downs, peaks & valleys. It’s in the valleys that you can learn about grief and grow. #holidaygrief
6:54 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice Grief is not one size fits all. It varies by person and kind of loss. #holidaygrief
6:57 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice Sometimes people treat grief like a cold, something you should “get over” within a certain amount of time. Not so. #holidaygrief
6:59 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice (By the way, if you have thoughts or comments about grief as we live-tweet, please chime in!) #holidaygrief
7:01 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice There’s no defined duration for grieving. #holidaygrief
7:02 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice Grief can be circular or cyclical, not linear. In other words, you may not complete one “phase” and proceed to another. #holidaygrief
7:04 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice After a loss: Shock. “I can’t believe this happened.” #holidaygrief
7:06 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice Another common aspect of grief: “safeguarding,” those thingsthat distract us as we absorb loss. #holidaygrief
7:07 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice Safeguarding can be healthy or not so safe. Staying busy is an example. It can help, or you can overdo it. #holidaygrief
7:09 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice Be careful of destructive forms of safeguarding. #holidaygrief
7:09 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice People to keep close after a loss: people who want to know how they can help. #holidaygrief
7:11 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice Another part of grieving: anguish and despair. Can be several weeks into grieving. This is normal! #holidaygrief
7:14 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice It’s also normal to want to seek out help our support after a loss. #holidaygrief
7:15 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice Part of grief is giving yourself permission to make decisions about what YOU need. #holidaygrief
7:17 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice Grief is like being wounded physically. It hurts, there’s recovery time, there’s healing and it can leave a scar. #holidaygrief
7:18 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice Feeling less pain doesn’t mean you’re forgetting the person you love and lost. Healing is taking place. #holidaygrief
7:20 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice You’re feeling a little better, and then holidays come. You’re feeling heartache again. Completely normal. Grief is cyclical. #holidaygrief
7:22 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice You’re feeling a little better, and then holidays come. You’re feeling heartache again. Completely normal. Grief is cyclical. #holidaygrief
7:22 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice We feel pain because we love. #holidaygrief 
7:25 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice Going through the highs and lows of grief leads to transformation and reconstruction of one’s life. #holidaygrief 
7:27 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice Grief can leave us searching for purpose. Our lives have purpose. #holidaygrief 
7:29 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice Grief can be like a rollercoaster, but eventually the ups and downs soften and the way is calmer. #holidaygrief 
7:30 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice Over time, we find our way to healing and resolution. It takes time, but you can get there. You can. #holidaygrief 
7:34 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice The holidays will be a lot different after a loss. It’s OK not to feel like making merry. #holidaygrief 
7:36 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice During the holiday season, it’s helpful to consider traditions and/or change. #holidaygrief 
7:38 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice It may help to keep up the old traditions this year, or it may help to do something different. #holidaygrief 
7:39 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice Think about what you want to do: the same holiday traditions? Something different? Do what works best for you. #holidaygrief
7:40 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice It’s helpful to think about the holidays and consider what you want rather than let it creep up with no preparation. #holidaygrief
7:42 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice People may think they know exactly what you need to do this holiday season. Decide what’s best for YOU. #holidaygrief
7:44 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice Here are some additional tips to keep in mind this holiday season if you’re grieving. #holidaygrief
7:49 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice 1. You have the right to say “Time out!” if you need to. You can slow down, step away from the holidays, do what you need to. #holidaygrief
7:50 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice 2. You have a right to tell how you feel. You don’t have to tell people what you think they want to hear. #holidaygrief
7:51 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice 3. You have a right to some “Bah Humbug” days. It doesn’t make you a Grinch if you don’t want to sing holiday songs this year. #holidaygrief
7:52 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice 4. You have a right to do things differently. Send fewer holiday cards this year, or none at all! Ask yourself what you want. #holidaygrief
7:53 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice 5. You can decide where you want to be for the holidays. At home? Someone else’s house? The beach? There’s no right or wrong. #holidaygrief
7:56 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice 6. It’s OK to have some FUN this holiday season, even if you’re grieving. Laughter is as important as tears. #holidayseason
7:56 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice 7. Nothing is set in stone. You can change your mind about plans at any point. It’s OK. (Say it out loud if you need to.) #holidaygrief
7:58 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice 8. Do things at different times if you need to. Open presents at a different time, etc. Variation may be helpful this time. #holidaygrief 
8:00 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice 9. Don’t forget the importance of rest, peace & solitude. Take time for yourself if you need to. #holidaygrief 
8:02 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice 10. And finally, whatever you do this year doesn’t have to be what you do next year. It’s not set in stone. #holidaygrief
8:02 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice Next year, you can resume a more “typical” holiday season with the usual traditions, or you can do it all differently again. #holidaygrief
8:04 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice Our holiday grief seminars always include time for remembrance with candles, a way to celebrate the light loved ones bring us. #holidaygrief
8:06 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice During the holiday season, how do you remember loved ones you’ve lost? Share your traditions with us and we’ll RT. #holidaygrief
8:08 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice This brings our evening to an end. A special thanks to all who joined us in #Nashville, #Murfreesboro and via Twitter. #holidaygrief
8:12 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice Remember: @AliveHospice offers #grief support services year-round for anyone in our community who has lost a loved one. #holidaygrief 
8:14 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice Our grief support services include individual counseling for adults & children, support groups, camps and more. #holidaygrief 
8:15 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice We provide grief support services at our #Nashville, Madison & #Murfreesboro offices. It’s an important part of our mission. #holidaygrief 
8:16 PM Dec 1, 2011
 
AliveHospice For more information about @AliveHospice’s grief support services, visit alivehospice.org or call 615-963-4732. #holidaygrief
8:19 PM Dec 1, 2011

AliveHospice As we sign off at tonight’s seminar, @AliveHospice wishes you a very meaningful holiday season. Good night. #holidaygrief
8:21 PM Dec 1, 2011

###

Karen Nash

I had never thought about going to South Africa like so many other people had. They were drawn there by the thrill of being on safari, seeing the astounding wildlife in Kruger National Park, shopping at Victoria Street Market in Durban (a city boasting the largest Indian population outside of India), or viewing the unsurpassed vistas atop Table Mountain which looks out on Cape Town, one of the most beautiful cities in all the world. Those things did not beckon to me like the castles that dot the Rhine in Germany, the breathtaking peaks of the Swiss Alps, the grand palaces in Austria, or the majestic cathedrals throughout all of Europe.

Yet, I did go to South Africa 8 years ago in August 2003 when Alive Hospice offered me the chance to visit Hospice in the West, our sister hospice (recently renamed Hospice West Gauteng. I was part of a national delegation of 25 hospice professionals who traveled as a group through South Africa for about 10 days seeing the sites and many different hospices. We then broke off to visit each of our partner hospices for a week before gathering to process our experiences and return home. While there, I saw such amazing personal and collective strength from Hospice in the West staff and their patients. Much like here, I visited patients living in a variety of social settings, but in South Africa resources are slim and the challenges are vast.

What I remember most is the grace and spirit of the people and the way South Africa now beckons to me more than any other place I have ever been. I remember my visits with patients in the township areas and the efforts the hospice made to provide individual and group services to them. The townships are large communities where blacks have historically been delegated to live, much like Native American reservations here in our country.

I remember the way the nurses (called “sisters” in South Africa) would rotate the use of one company car the hospice had been able to buy from grant money and I remember how the other “sisters” would borrow or use their own vehicles and pay for their own gas on the days they did not get to use the company car. This was a great financial sacrifice for many of them, beyond what we can imagine.

I remember the old van which had been donated years before and was frequently driven by a volunteer to take a team nurses to see various patients in the township. This was the same van that picked up patients and their families once a week to bring them together for group interaction and a meal with other patients & families who did have transportation.

Age, gender, race, ethnicity, or financial status had no bearing there. I remember a sea of people at the groups – young and old, black and white, well-to-do and poor — all gathered together in the common bond that forms when facing cancer and HIV.

I remember so vividly the significant hardships I observed. As if their diseases weren’t hardship enough, many people in South Africa live in poverty with no electricity or running water.

I remember a patient who lived in a subsidized apartment and relied on the hospice to provide pre-packaged food that amounted to about 5 meals — probably the most food the patient would get from week to week.

Some bear hardships of a different kind: separation from dear family members, but holding out hope that they’ll be reunited.

Eight years later I also remember the hospitality they showed me. I’ll never forget giving candy to the children I encountered, a small way to show them someone they had never met cared about them, too. I anticipated the joy on their faces when I gave it to them. What I didn’t expect was being handed a piece of the candy I gave out because a child thought I should have some, too. I hoped to meet some of the extraordinary people who care for each other under such difficult circumstances, but I didn’t foresee the gratitude they expressed for my visit or the humility I would feel as I was given a homemade jar of fruit.

I remember the scores of children I met in the township areas and my joy being with them in all their energy and youthful exuberance, despite most of them having lost one or both parents to HIV. I remember how touched I was when one of the children gave me a beaded necklace he had made for me of the flag of South Africa.

I treasure this necklace and will be wearing it on December 2 at All Things Beaded and Beyond, our fundraiser for Hospice West Gauteng. I hope I’ll see you there, too.

Karen Nash is director of Alive Grief Support Services, the bereavement support program of Alive Hospice.

“Knowing your options before you need them is just good planning,” Mayor Bragg said. “I encourage every family in Murfreesboro to learn about hospice and palliative care. It starts with getting information and talking with your doctor before a serious illness comes along.”

Alive Hospice’s Murfreesboro Team includes physicians, nurses, hospice aides (CNTs), social workers, chaplains, and volunteers. They provide hospice care in Rutherford, Cannon, Coffee, and DeKalb counties. Additionally, Alive Hospice’s Murfreesboro office provides grief support services including individual counseling and support groups.

Pictured: Mayor Tommy Bragg presents a proclamation to Alive Hospice Interim CEO Barbara Cannon. With them are Phil Barnett, Faye Northcutt-Knox, Leslie Baker, Joe Rich, Dr. Radford Smith, Dr. Warren McPherson, Charlene Johnson and Hayat Bozkurt. (Photo by Chris Shofner/City of Murfreesboro)

Since I was little I had always wanted to go to Africa. Being a nurse made that possible. In February 2010 I finally got the opportunity to go on a medical trip to Sudan.

One thing that stands out most to me is how welcoming the people were. As soon as we landed in the village we were surrounded by adults and children. They were so excited to see us and know they might have the opportunity to see physicians and nurses. The people we met showed such strength and determination to care for the village that I realized how fortunate I was to be able to go to the doctor any time I had a sniffle.

This time of year is a time of giving. This week, we have an opportunity to help out Alive Hospice’s sister hospice organization in another African nation, South Africa, with Alive Hospice’s annual All Things Beaded and Beyond sale.

This Friday, December 2nd from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m., come see (and buy!) the beautiful crafts that have been created to help out Hospice West Gauteng. The sale is at Alive Hospice’s administrative offices at 1718 Patterson St. in Nashville. Call 327-1085 for more information.

Elizabeth Traugott is an Alive Hospice nurse.